The Alien and the Pumpkin
by Jugenmujugenmugokonosurikireka
Summary: Peridot and Pumpkin go out to have some fun.


As the spaceships approached the blue and green planet, explosions could be seen in it.

Most people, at the sight of this anomaly, would believe it to be some kind of accident, or the weekly alien attack, or erpets the end of the world, but it was none of those thing, and by looking closely, you could easily find out that it was nothing but the sadness of a small green gem.

"Exploding random islands, check" Says Peridot, standing on a boat in the middle of the ocean, nearby a giant laser cannon of death

To make her company, there stood a small abomination, which appeared to be the mix of a dog with some kind of pumpkin

"Bark, bark" Barks Pumpkin in excitment

"So" Says Peridot reading a list on her hands "We already created an alternative universe where the internet was created all the way back in the stone age, brainwashed Clint Eastwood into believing that he is The Saint of Killers from Preacher, gave some Class 21 weapons that are powerful enough to destroy all of time and space in the entire multiverse to both the military and the terrorists, went back in time and trapped Rose Quartz into an infinite time loop, and shot random islands on the ocean just to see them blowing up. Aren't things much more fun when Lapis isn't around?"

Peridot gave Pumpkin the biggest smile she could, her mouth was hurting, but she was holding back the tears

Pumpkin gave her a weird look, as well as a awkward silence, but it only lasted two seconds, because Pumpkin happily barked at her

"Hehe" Laughs Peridot, loudly "You see, nobody needs Bob to have fun, hehe."

More awkward silence

"Alright" Says Peridot "Let's go wake up Cthulhu."

However, before Peridot could turn her boat, she heard a loud booming sound

"Something just crossed the atmosphere" Says Peridot looking in the sky "Is it monday already?"

Before she could say anything, a spaceship appeared above her boat and started abducting it

Peridot calmly flipped a switch on the boat

Cannons appeared around theboat and pointed upwards, right before shooting several fireballs towards the spaceship, which vaporized it in a second

"Well, now that that's done, we can..." Before Peridot could finish that sentance, several other spaceships appeared around the boat "Pumpkin... Put on your sitbelt"

As she flipped another switch, a bomb was thrown from the boat towards the sky, ans as it exploded, a black smoke came out of it, which soon took the form of storm clouds, and in less than a seconds, the sunny day was transformed into the storm of the century

As lightnings started to strike some of the ships, and some other ships were devoured by mountain sized tsunamis or hurricanes, Peridot flips another switch, the boat grew metalic wings and flew towards the sky at supersonic speeds

As some of the surviving spaceships flew after her, she flips another switch, releasing several projectiles, the ships try to dodge, but they seek onto their targets and follow the ships, no matter where they go, until they innevitably blow up

As Peridot's boat crosses the storm clouds, she turns the ship around and flies in the clear skies above them

"From now on is just sunshine and rainbows" Peridot says with a smile

"Bark, bark" Pumpkin barks happily

Seconds later, a giant spaceship, which was as big was ten of the smaller ones combined

"Oh, c'mon" Says Peridot a little annoyed

She activates the autopilot of the boat

"Don't touch anything" Peridot says to Pumpking right before going through the door leading to the basement

On the basement, Peridot searches through some boxes, until she pulls one labeled "Life Creation"

Peridot picks up a deck of cards

"Cards to summon monsters?" She thinks for a second "Nah, that's lame"

She throws the cards away

She pulls a rusty key

"Key that creates a new universe behind the door you use it on?" She thinks for a second "Nah, sounds like something Pearl would use"

She pulls some small beans

"Beans that spawn zombies?" She thinks for a seconds "Nah, nobody likes zombies anymore"

"Haha" She laughs finding something she could use

She went back to the deck of the boat, holding a small pistol shapped laser

"You didn't touch anything, did you?" Peridot asks

Pumpkin looks the other way and starts whistling

"Whatever" Says Peridot

She then shoots at the sky with the pistol

The laser beam flies and hits the light coming from the sun

The light then starts shapeshifting, until it becomes a giant dragon of light, who greatly dwarfed a blue whale in size

The dragon then opened his mounth and form it, came out a beam of rainbows, burning with the intencity of a hypernova

"Haha" Peridot point and laughts at them as their ship explodes "Take that you clods"

"Bark, bark" Pumpkin happily barks

However, what they did not notice was a small blue fairly flying nearby their boat

"Enough" Aquamarine says as she uses her wand to freeze the entire ship, making it brutally stop it's movement, as well as totally paralysing both Peridot and Pumpkin

"Well, I can see she wasn't kidding when she said you would be hard to deal with" She flies close to Peridot, who could do nothing but stand still "Good thing she sent her best gem to take care of this"

Then, an even bigger ship appeared in the sky, big enough to carry at least one hundred ships as big as the one the dragon took down previously, it then abducted the boat, capturing it, and everyone in it

Peridot couldn't see what they did with her boat, or with Pumpkin, as Aquamarine moved the paralysed green creature to a cell protected with an electric wall, ready to destroy the physical form of any gem who tries to cross it

After she threw Peridot inside and actuvated it, only then Peridot was allowed to move

"You'll never take me alive you little maggot" Peridot instantly screams she she starts jumping and waving her arms around randomly

"I literaly just did" Says Aquamarine with a smile

"Don't try to confuse me with your fancy alien logic" Says Peridot as she stopes jumping and angrily points at Aquamarine "You better let me out right now or else I'll, actually, wait asecond, didn't I already kill you?"

"What?" Asks Aquamarine a little confused

"In a previous fanfic" Says Peridot "I blew Homeworld up using a super upgraded laser cannon, and everyone died"

"Oh!" Says Aquamarine remembering the fact "Don't worry about that, this is a fanfic, nobody cares about continuity. Actually, just the fact you're bringing it up right now is proves that whoever is writting this has no idea what they're doing"

"Oh, ok" says Peridot

Awkward silence

"Well, she did say that in case you resisted, you were not to be hurt, so, I'll just leave you right here until we get there. Bye." Says Aqua right before flying away

"The Diamonds want me alive?" Asks Peridot "did she take the clod thing seriously? You know, Earth we have this day called April Fools, it's a pretty simple concept, I'm sure the Diamonds would love to hear about it..."

Aquamarine closed the door behind her while ignoring Peridot

"Well, at least this can't get any worst" Says Peridot with a smile

The lights turn off

Peridot sits down

After sitting there for some minutes thinks about how cool it would be if the sun was made out of sound, she then remembers the most powerful weapon all Peridots have

She reaches for her oversized hair, which was even bigger on the inside, and picks up several items that were stored in it

The first thing she pulls out is a gray sword

"Hum, I wonder what this is" She says analyzing the sword

She notices something written on the hilt

"By the power of... Alright, now what the what is this?" Says Peridot trying to read the small letters "Gay... Sun? By the power of Gaysun?"

Nothing happens

"This is useless" She says throwing the sword away

The next thing she pulls out is a dusty lamp

"Alright, what is it this time"she says analysing the lamp "Man, I can't read anything on this, it's all dusty"

She blows at the lamp to try to get the dust out

Some of the dusty flies from the lamp and lands on her eyes

"Ouch" She screams throwing the lamp away "That's why I hate having intangible glasses"

The next thing she pulls out is a axe

"Yeah, this should work" Says Peridot

She attack the wall with the axe, which makes a small hole in it

She uses the hole to reach the control panel on the other side of the wall, oppening the cell

"Perfect" She screams

She uses the axe to destroy another door, which wasn't even locked

She then gets to a corridor

"Alright Pumpkin" She says to herself "Where are you?"

She uses the axe to open a hole in another door

"Heeeeeere's Johnny!" She says pressing her face against the hole she made

Inside, there was a Lapis Lazuli dressed in a red hood, a Topez wearing a wolf costume and a Pearl holding a script

"Excuse me, do you mind?" Asks the Pearl "We're trying to rehearse for a play here"

"Oh, sorry" Peridot says right before going back to the corridor

She moves into the next door and makes another hole in it with her axe

"Say hello to my little friend" She screams as she looks though the hole

Inside, there was a Pearl in a rabbit costume and a Peridot in a Santa costume, one sitting on the other in a large bed

"Um..." the other Peridot said awkwardly "We can explain"

"Nah, don't worry" Perdito said right before moving away from the door

She moves to the next door and makes a hole in it with her axe

"You'd better start believing in ghost stories Miss Turner, you're in one" She screams as she look inside the room though the hole

Inside the room there was Connie, who was wearing a green mask, which made her head and tooth look huge, as well as making her eyes yellow

"Hi" Connie says with a smile

"Oh, hello shameless cameo/self-promotion from another fanfic" Says Peridot with a smile "Would you mind telling me where do they keep the prisioners around here?"

"Oh, that's easy" Connie said "Just go to the end of this corridor, then turn left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then LEFT, be careful not to turn right in this one, or else you'll get lost for good, then turn right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left, and then keep going frontward, don't stop until you find a really big blue door, and when you get there, you ask for directions"

"Oh, ok, thanks" Says Peridot right before moving away from the door

After walking for around half an hour or so, she finally came close to the huge door

"Alright Peridot" She says to herself while approaching the door "This is going to be the most epic battle in the hystory of the universe. Get ready"

She then attacked the door with the axe, which was enough to take the entire door down

"Luke, I am your father!" She screams entering the room

The room was empty

"Wait, what?" She says

She analyses the room, until she sees light coming out of the window

She quickly runs towards it

As she looks at the window, she sees a huge desert

That's why Pumpkin wasn't here, the ship was already on a planet, so they took the prisioners to the Diamonds

She used the axe to break the window and jumped from the ship

After falling for two minutes, she landed on a pile of sand

She quickly got up and was ready to fight, but the first thing she saw was pretty weird

It was some kind of castle, but it looked nothing like anything the diamonds would ever live in, instead, it seemed to be some weird combination of something out of a science fiction movie she liked to watch, a building from Earth and one of those castles she saw in pictures of Homeworld in the way it was thousands of years ago

There's no way the Diamonds, nor anyone from Homeworld for tha matter, would live on this

But, if it the Diamonds weren't the ones who kidnapped her, who was she facing?

But she didn't have much time to think about that

She ran towards the castle, screaming with her axe in hands

She quickly went up the stairway leading towards the entrance

She tripped and fell all the way down

She climbed it up gain, slowly this time

Once she got up there, there were two Amethysts guarding the door

They looked at her in silence for some seconds

"Hey, aren't you that gem that Aquamarine was sent to capture?" Asks one of them

"What would happen if I was?" Says Peridot "Just a hypotetical question"

"Well, we would have to poof you and take you to our queen so she would decide your fate" Says the other Amethyst

"Well, in that case, I have a picture of that gem right here, look" Peridot says while reaching for something on her hair

She pulls out a mirror and gives it to the Amethysts

"Hey!" Screams one of the Amethysts pointing at the other "That's you!"

"No, it isn't!" The other Amy says "It's you!"

"You take that back!" Says the other Amy, personally offended

"Why don't you come here and make me?!" says Amy

The Amethysts jump at each other and start fighting as they both fall down the stairs

Peridot looks at them falling, hitting the sand, and then fighting again

"Why is everybody so stupid around me?" Asks Peridot "Does my gem suck their intelligence or something like that?"

She enters the castle

It was dark, but she could use her gem the bring a little light to the room, it wasn't much, she could see some things

She could make out some mechanical pieces, likely airplane pieces, she could also see some cloths, plushes, and even some toilets

"Wait a second!" Peridot says in surprise "I know where I am!"

Peridot snapped her fingers, and the lights turned on, just like she programed them to some days ago

Peridot then saw herself inside a familiar barn, the castle on the outside was likely built around it

Sitting on a trone right in front of Peridot was the water witch herself, Lapis Lazuli, holding a happy Pumpkin on her hands

"You?" Peridot asked in confusion

"Me" Lapis says in a bored tone

"Wait a second" Peridot said right before starting to think

Awkward silence

"Nope" Says Peridot "I have no idea what's happening"

Lapis cringed a little

"So" Lapis said started to tell her story "After I took the barn and flew away..."

"Without asking first" Says Peridot interrupting

"Who's telling the story?" Lapis asked hyronically

"Alright, go on" says Peridot "Just keep that in mind"

"I flew though space for some hours, until I landed in this random planet" Lapis continues "And, what a coincidence, there were those gems who crashlanded here some days ago, so, we talked a little, and we all agreed that I was the best leader out of everyone in the planet, so, they made me their queen, and now we're here"

"Wait a second" Says Peridot "You only leaved Earth like, three days ago, how did you guys build this place, as well as an entire armada of spaceships so fast?"

"Well, it turns out I'm a pretty good leader" Says Lapis "Who knew?"

"But, wait a second, why did Aquamarine crashland on this planet?" Asks Peridot "Wasn't she on Homeworld?"

"Simple" Says Aquamarine, who had sneaked behind Peridot, scaring her "After we gave Rose to the Diamonds, we realised that we forgot to capture the humans thet asked for, and then they ordered for me to be shattered, but I escaped using a complicated plan involving a white dress, a pizza and a "How To" DVD, stole a ship with the help of some other fugitives, and would have escaped, if a portal in the fabric of space and time hadn't oppened, throwing a bunny in a santa outfit, with crashed agains out ship while moving at speeds comparable to the speed of light, which made the ship explode and crash on this desert, and you know the rest"

"Well, I guess that does make sense, but..." Says Peridot "Why did you guys attack me then?"

"Oh" says Lapis "That was because, when we ready to build the sphinx statue, I remember that I forgot something really important back on Earth"

"Ohhh" Perisot says happy "You came back for me?"

"Of course not" Says Lapis, which ends Peri's happiness instantly "I just realised that I forgot Pumpkin. I couldn't leave her with you"

"Hey!" Says Peridot "I did a way better job taking care of Pumpkin than you could ever do"

Lapis looked at her angrily as if she was personally offended by that statement

"Aquamarine" Lapis says "Report your mission"

Peridot was confused for a second, until Aqua started talking

"We arrived on Planet Earth and locaded Peridot 5XG destroying islands at seamingly random, once we tried to recover our target, Peridot resisted capture by engaging on combat with our ships, as well as creating a chaotic thunder storm and summoning a giant light based creature to attack us" Aqua said "We managed to capture her by force and bring the target into our ship, but we were forced to bring 5XG onboard as a prisioner, she then escaped using a axe as a weapon and started attacking random rooms in the ship and invading several gem's privacy, she then invaded our base while planning to attack you, my queen"

Pumpkin started barking happily after hearing the story

Lapis got up from her throne and started slowly walking towards Peridot with rage on her eyes

Peridot started backing away in fear, but stoped when her back touched Aquamarine

"Peridot" Says Lapis "From the day I first meet you until here you only brought me trouble, chaos and insanity, you are the most destructive individual I had ever had the unpleasure of meeting, you are a threath to eveyone around you, and you are the worst example Pumpkin could ever had, and raising him under my wings and keeping him as far away from you as possibly may be the only way to undo the damage you have already done to him, and you are still stupid enough to argue against me even now?"

Threathening silence

"No" Says Peridot, as her fear is quickly replaced with sadness "I am not"

Silence

"Aquamarine" Called Lapis

"Yes, my queen?" Responded Aqua

"Take her back to Earth" Said Lapis 'You don't need to imprision her this time"

"Of course, my queen" Aqua said

She made a sign for Peridot to follow, and Peridot did as she was told

"And Peridot" Said Lapis

Peridot looked at her

"Don'r ever try to come back to this planet" Lapis said "You are not welcome here, and I swear, if you, even for one second, attempt to take Pumpkin away from me... I will shatter you myself"

Peridot nodded, knowing she wasn't kidding, and silently followed Aquamarine to the ship

The trip back to Earth was also silent, and, due to how fast the ship was, it only took some minutes

"We are approaching the planet's atmosphere" Aquamarine said "I'll land the ship so I could drop you in"

Peridot nodded

She was still holding her axe, and looking at it with sadness

She was sad, but she didn't feel like crying, she was just angry, not angry at Lapis, not angry at the other gems, not even angry at Aquamarine, but she was angry at herself, she was angry at what she had become

She angrily threw the axe at a wall with all the strenght she had left

The axe hit the meatl wall of the ship, just to ricochet back at her face

She ducked in a split second, and the axe flew though a door that was right behind Peridot, destroying some kind of machinery inside it

The machine exploded, hitting Peridot in the face, as well as making a huge hole in the ship

They crashlanded on Earth, coincidentally around the same location where the barn used to be

Peridot had poofed due to the explosion, and it took her some minutes to reform

When she did reform, she was inside the destroyed ship, all light were out, but the giant hole near here allowed her to see clearly due to the sunlight, the first thing she saw was Aquamarine messing with the destroyed control of a piece of the destroyed ship

"C'mon, you stupid thing" Aqua said "WORK!"

She started hitting random buttons but nothing was happening

"That explosion damaged the ship too much" Said Peridot "It may be beyond repairs"

"What?" Aquamarine said with a shocked face "No, it can't be, this ship was the only way I had to go back home"

"Well, I guess we're stuck on Earth" Said Peridot, still recovering from the explosion "Believe it or not, that's actually pretty common"

"No, no, this can't be happening Aquamarine said, starting to panic "I didn't escape from Homeworld to end up here"

"Wait a second, you know what this means, right?" Said Peridot, as a smile formed in her face

"What?" Asks Aqua "What does it mean?"

"We're roomates now" Screams Peridot as she give Aqua a bear hug

"I'll give you my life savings if you shatter me right now" Say Aqua

"I don't use money, silly, I just steal things" Says Peridot, as she started to laugh


End file.
